Spotted- The Spotted Cow as Decembers Featured Blogger

This warrants... like exclamation point cubed… !!!



Ever seen a guy or girl or guy/girl and thought “damn that person is so delicious I just want to eat them up!”??? Assuming of course that you meant that metaphorically –we don’t really warrant cannibalism there’s just too much legal red tape , though we hear that ppl taste like chicken…who knew? Anyway the point is that chances are the person who warranted your metaphorical cannibalistic tendencies was quite possibly a user of Spotted Cows products. Delicious soaps, and bath fizzes –make good hygiene a tasteful affair. I mean there’s even a whipped gingerbread scrub! So head over to the spotted cow and order some products for your loved ones. Heck get some for yourself. I mean should the situation arise where you do in fact need to be eaten wouldn’t you want to at least taste good. Would you rather be remembered as the person who tasted like sweet sweet gingerbread or raw chicken flesh?

GO HERE spottedcowsoaps.etsy.com COME ON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!!!

Things to Do…With Your Wedge

1. Go to prom. Because wedges don’t have hands you wont have to worry about being groped on the dance floor. Nice! Note this doesn’t apply to Squido or Octo!
2. Fill the wedge shaped void of loneliness in your life.
3. For non sea creature wedges- challenge them to an arm wrestle. You’ll win every time I promise.
4. Use them to role play scenarios in your life that you wish would happen. Then imagine that they actually have.
5. Photo shoot! Wedges are very photogenic and rarely –by which I mean never- get caught with their eyes closed.
6. Fulfill your maternal or paternal instincts with something that wont require a trust fund and wont continually put the clearly empty carton of milk back in the fridge!
7. Fashion yourself a new identity as the crazy lady with the cats except you may or may not be a lady and instead of cats you will have lots and lots of wedges. Work your new identity. Shout at small children, and the elderly and reek havoc on anyone who comes near you and your wedge haven!
8. Nothing. Hear me out- nothing done without your wedge is literally nothing. Nothing done with your wedge is something. Which is better than nothing.

How to stay trim over the holidays tip #1
Instead of eating dessert think about it. There are 385 calories in a slice of cheesecake. There are 0 calories in thinking about cheesecake.
Tip #2
Skip your first helping of food and go straight to your second. Calling it your second will trick your body into thinking that it is full.


Tip #3 Play Over-Under the game that keeps you slim!
Either over or under prepare each dish. Nothing stops up a craving like frozen turkey and melted ice-cream. Make it fun where guests compete in a round robin style tournament where they guess at whether the dish is under-and likely to give them salmonella poisoning etc. or over- and likely to cook their insides, prepared. Winner takes all!

Whatever. The only thing that needs to be trim this holiday is the tree. Now grab yourself a box of chocolate, a jug of eggnog, and some ornaments and get trimming!


Holiday Recipe- Protein Alternative for the Vegetarian

Festive Tabouli

1 box of Tabouli
1cup mushrooms cremini (can also mix in Shiitake)
½ cup cranberries (either dried or canned)
1cup sliced almonds (and or pecans)
1tbl spoon oil

Prepare one box of Tabouli as per directions and set aside.
In a frying pan over medium heat combine oil, mushrooms, and nuts. Cook until nuts are golden and mushrooms are tender. Then stir ingredients along with cranberries into the Tabouli. You may also wish to use the above as ingredients to stuff peppers with. In which case cut your pepper in half length ways. Scoop out any seeds. Fill with the mixture. Top with grated cheese. Or sprinkle with parmesan. Then bake in the oven at 350 degrees until the pepper is tender and the cheese melted.

The Geometric Wedge Owns.

So it is a little known fact that geometry is pretty much the devil, but without all the fire, and perish and toil bit. Still there is one geometric shape that dominates them all. Can you guess it? If you said wedge well congratulations you get a symbolic and otherwise meaningless gold star. Enjoy. If you said something else you will read the following entry over and over again until you have adopted my opinion, which in this instance is the right one. If you are in disagreement with me that is because of the simple fact that you are wrong.

Ok so….
Most roofs are what… wedge shaped. Because circle roofs would be pools, and octagon roofs would look dumb. Round one to wedges.

Take a circle or cylinder cake… what do you do with it. You cut it…into wedges. So circles are just wedges waiting to happen. Round two to wedges.

Wedges look cuter with eyeballs and smiley faces than say rectangles, or spheres, or pretty much every other shape. It’s just science. Round three to wedges and to shapes with faces!

Other really really good wedge related things.

1.The wedge of cheese. So good on crackers. So good on sandwiches. So good on other cheese. **If you are vegan, lactose intolerant or suffer from an ailment that makes you deathly afraid or adverse to eating cheese (cheese-a-phobic?) then read as “the wedge of soy cheese”. Because cheese made from beans is far less frightening. Seriously though Soy Cheese Rules! Time to find out if there really is such thing as a cheese phobia. There is it is called Turophobia. To categorize all your fears or to like play phobia bingo or something go here: http://www.liverpoolhypnotherapy.co.uk/listofphobias.php.

Proof that there is something wrong with all of us! Wow apparently Sophophobia is a fear of learning. Why did I not know of this when I was in school! I can just see it now:

Prof- Walter you didn’t come to my class this morning!
Walter- sorry sir I’m ummm…Sophophobic
Prof- You sure you’re not just hung over. Cause you look hung over.

According to this thing I have: Apeirophobia, Carnophobia, Gerascophobia, Necrophobia, Politicophobia, and other.

Okay final comment on phobias. The word for the phobia of long words is : Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. Seriously! So ppl with this phobia can’t get help for it because they wouldn't be able to tell ppl about it.

2. Wedge shoes. Thank you 1930’s now we youthful petite femme can look like gangly legged children on stilts. Yes that is a really really good thing.


3. The wedgie. The wedgie is like a board game without the board or pieces. The wedgie is like a sport without the expensive equipment and camaraderie. The wedgie is like a high five without the jovial shared intimacy. I mean it’s intimate alright. The wedgie crosses economic barriers. Because all you need is one other person weaker than yourself who happens to be clad in, at the very least, a pair of knickers and you’ve got yourself at least a few minutes of fun! Not to mention an opportunity for social dominance and countless future memories to look back on with nostalgia. Nothing like the first time you hear the cracking rip of a seam of underwear pulled to its’ limit. {Warning: in no way is wearewedges.com responsible for any botched wedgie attempts. When trying to execute wedgies it is key to be sure that the target is in fact wearing underwear. Failure to know this with any certainty can result in awkward encounters, and heightened embarrassment.}

4. The atomic wedgie. See #3 but up the anti, add an extra does of dominance, and a whole new layer of humiliation. Oh and fun.


5. The wedge. Because doors wont hold themselves open.

6. The wedge Transformer. Formers in disguise!

7. Geometric Wedge: actually never mind that’s not a good one. Curse you geometric wedge and your ½ base times height equation that paved the way for sunny days spent in summer school.

A Compelling Interview with my Plush Wedgehog Beck

Rachel- Welcome Beck! I would offer you a drink or food but you look stuffed.
Beck-
Rachel- Alright let’s get started. I mean we have started. Let’s get more started.
Beck-
Rachel- Right. So your tryst with Gwen, lets talk about that. Is it true that you were just minding your own when she practically fell form the sky and landed on you?
Beck-
Rachel- ummm…uh.. okay how did it feel to see her there and to smell her scent of oysters and dark chocolate.
Beck-
Rachel- Not literal oysters and dark chocolate.
Beck-
Rachel -That probably would have killed her.
Beck-
Rachel- and 7! 7 hoglets! That’s a lot! You were a busy guy
Beck-
Rachel- I mean not that you made each one separately. It’s not like when you’re the male making babies is like building sculptures out of mash potatoes or anything.
Beck-
Rachel- 7 is just a lot of kids.
Beck-
Rachel- Beck ladies and gentlemen!

Let’s Play a Few Rounds of ‘Would you Rather’

The game where everyone is a winner! Well maybe not everyone –I mean if you’re already a loser the game can’t really change that. Although you are here which means there is hope for you yet!

Would you rather be punched in the trachea or buy a wedge? [not sure what a trachea is go here: http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-trachea.htm] –And SPEAKING OF… -the speaking of refers to the wedges purchasing not tracheas- thanks to those who came out to City of Craft!!!

Would you rather be paper cut by a 1000 envelops licked by some guy who holds the record for the longest days without brushing his teeth OR read this blog right now?

Would you rather learn jujitsu from Octo OR Chuck Norris? Okay no wait that’s not fair. Ummm….would you rather cuddle with a plush Octo OR Chuck Norris? (I just want to make it clear to everyone that the answer shouldn’t be Chuck Norris. Not sure who Chuck Norris is- check your pulse. Then go here: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ finding it hard to answer this question? Then go here: http://web4health.info/)

Anyway if you promise to come back and visit I promise to love you unconditionally like a mom does a small child. Only with the awkwardness of knowing that we are neither related nor in all likelihood are you actually a small child.

xo

THIS WEEKEND: City of Craft! & Holi-Dandy

Come and join We Are Wedges, along with House of Hsueh @ City of Craft AND Holi-Dandy!


CITY OF CRAFT 2008:
Some show highlights to get you excited:
*FREE STUFF ALERT: the first one hundred visitors will receive swag bags printed by Studio XIX filled with coupons for the show, plus fantastic goodies from indie publications and local & international craft artists.
*AWESOME STUFF ALERT: Check out amazing handmade goods on offer by more than 40 talented makers: http://cityofcraft.com/2008/cityofcraft/vendors.html
*NEIGHBOURHOOD CRAFT CRAWL: City of Craft takes to the streets with crafty programming in local businesses and galleries. (Those of you with a sweet tooth should not miss out on cupcake decorating & knitting activities at the Knit Café.)
*CRAFTY-COOL INSTALLATIONS: Stop by the window of League of Lovers and Thieves to check out Tara Bursey's installation of hundreds or origami shoes made with tea bags, or have a Victorian silhouette portrait taken by Danijela Photography, featuring a papercut frame by artist Li Sui. Get lost in a landscape of fibre, photography and sound by Lynn Harrigan, Scott M2 and dreamSTATE.
*MAKE YOUR OWN HANDMADE GIFTS (FREE!): Workshops include origami star books by the Paper Place, fabric covered magnet sets by The Workroom, recycled felt ornaments by Mr. Sköna, and screen printed cards by Kid Icarus.

So there you have it, there is really no better place to be on December 13th, 2008.



HOLI-DANDY:
Holi-Dandy is a holiday shopping event featuring hand-made items from numerous local artists and makers, free gift wrapping and numerous gift ideas under $20.

The first annual market o' locally made good stuff is set to happen on Saturday December 13 and Sunday December 14 at Awkward Stage and Le Petit Chapeau, both located on Lakeshore Mews in downtown Barrie, Ontario.

Featuring:

Ador by DoriAnne Ross, All Things Jenuine Cards, Awkward Stage, Carolyn Ward Toys, Dotti Potts, Escape Artist, Greenelf, House of Hsueh, Le Petit Chapeau, Liz Robinson, Jean MacFadyen Scarves, Joy Apparel, Julia Prime Paper, Keri Rounding, Mallory Roop, Naomi Brinkhof, No Demographic, OSugarfoot, Skin Treats, Texti'll, Valerie In Love, We are Wedges and more!

Awkward Stage and Le Petit Chapeau challenge you to support local business this holiday season, shop from all kinds of fantastic shops in downtown Barrie (and surrounding area).

WAW @ SpeakEasy Annual Holiday Show! Dec 4th, 2008

Chestnuts roasting, sleigh bells ringing, and the season starts a-swingin’!



Join "We Are Wedges" and "House of Hsueh" for holiday cocktails, a few good tunes, and another fantastic show at The Gladstone. It’s a chance to shop for handcrafted holiday gifts. It’s an opportunity for the public to see the work of 40 local artists, ranging from quirky one-off ceramics to handmade soap, jewellery and hand painted Christmas cards.