Things to Do…With Your Wedge

1. Go to prom. Because wedges don’t have hands you wont have to worry about being groped on the dance floor. Nice! Note this doesn’t apply to Squido or Octo!
2. Fill the wedge shaped void of loneliness in your life.
3. For non sea creature wedges- challenge them to an arm wrestle. You’ll win every time I promise.
4. Use them to role play scenarios in your life that you wish would happen. Then imagine that they actually have.
5. Photo shoot! Wedges are very photogenic and rarely –by which I mean never- get caught with their eyes closed.
6. Fulfill your maternal or paternal instincts with something that wont require a trust fund and wont continually put the clearly empty carton of milk back in the fridge!
7. Fashion yourself a new identity as the crazy lady with the cats except you may or may not be a lady and instead of cats you will have lots and lots of wedges. Work your new identity. Shout at small children, and the elderly and reek havoc on anyone who comes near you and your wedge haven!
8. Nothing. Hear me out- nothing done without your wedge is literally nothing. Nothing done with your wedge is something. Which is better than nothing.